The Luxury of Not Having to Prove Your Worth

THE PULSE

This is what matters this week.

Some of the most successful women I work with—the ones who appear to
have it all together—are still swimming in a sea of self-doubt.

They deflect credit: "It wasn't that big of a deal. Anyone could have done it."

They minimize achievements: "I just got lucky. Right place, right time."

They live in conditional worth: "Once I lose the weight, hit the next goal,
have more money... then I'll feel good enough."

But here's what I've learned after more than twenty years of working with brilliant women who secretly question their value: worthiness isn't a performance metric.

It's your natural state of being.

The culture that raised us wants us to believe we have to earn our place at the table. That we have to prove our value through productivity, perfection, and constant giving.

But what if creating a fulfilling life isn't about acquiring more—it's about recognizing what you already possess?

What if the deepest abundance isn't what you accumulate, but what you stop needing to prove?

This is embodied worthiness.
And it's the foundation every other form of wealth is built upon.

THE DEEP TAKE

Where we go deeper—science, story, truth.

I have always felt deeply worthy, even as a child.
I know that's not the case with a lot of people, but it was for me.

Even when I was physically abused. Even when I was bullied.
Even when I was degraded and hazed as a medical intern.

The greatest dissonance I felt wasn't doubt in my worth—
it was the pain of knowing who I was while being treated as if I were less than.
It created deep distrust of others and a core belief that I was
fundamentally and profoundly misunderstood.

Here’s the mismatch I lived in for most of my younger life:
I felt worthy, but I believed I needed to prove that worth so others could see it too.

That led to decades of overworking, over-studying, over-achieving,
and putting myself in positions where I was in over my head—
all to demonstrate what I already knew to be true.

It wasn't until years into my career as an attending physician that I learned the transformative and liberating power of three words: "I don't know."

And with that admission came something even more radical:
complete acceptance of who I am.

Discovering my divine identity.
Transcending the conditioning of my conservative upbringing.
Owning not just my medical expertise, but my gifts of spiritual insight,
vision, and intuition.

This is when I learned the difference between proving and choosing.

The ice cream exercise that changed my life:

There's an exercise I learned in a Landmark course about
making a choice between vanilla or chocolate ice cream.

You pick one, and then they ask why.
You give reasons—vanilla is classic, chocolate is rich, whatever.
They ask you over and over again, listening to all of your reasons why.

Until finally, for most people, when they have run out of reasons to explain their choice, they blurt out "because I want it!" or "because that's what I choose!"

The point isn't about the flavor.
It's about discovering that you can choose something simply because you want it.
No justification required.

We choose what we choose because we choose it—and that's reason enough.

This became revolutionary in my life.
Instead of making decisions based on what I could defend or what others would approve of, I began tuning into my body to feel my desires.
To feel the yes, the no, the "wait."

I stopped living on anyone else's timeline.

From a physiological perspective, this shift from proving to choosing
creates profound changes in the body.
When we operate from embodied worthiness, cortisol levels decrease
while oxytocin increases.

The body moves out of survival mode and into connection mode.

But the spiritual truth goes even deeper: 
worthiness is not something you develop or achieve.
It's something you recognize and embody.

It can't be earned, but it can be faked.
And that facade leads to deeper separation from yourself and everyone around you.

I've worked with highly successful women who've begun deeper paths of self-mastery and their own spiritual development, yet still struggle with fundamental unworthiness in success, finances, and love.

That mask often hides behind something that looks noble:
they turn their gifts into constant offerings for others—reading the energy of a room before they enter it, intuitively knowing what someone needs before they ask,
holding space for everyone's healing—while quietly starving their own souls.

It's not always obvious spiritual bypassing.
Sometimes it's over-identifying as "the vessel" or "the channel"
to such a degree that their entire worth is tied to being of service.

On the outside, it reads as devotion.
Inside, it's an avoidance of receiving.

Because receiving would mean acknowledging they are as worthy of care, love, and investment as the people they serve—and for women in our culture, that's one of the hardest recognitions to make.

It's self-neglect in sacred clothing.
And it keeps them in a loop where their light fuels others but never fully warms them.

This is why boundaries both grow from and reflect worthiness.
When you truly know your value, you protect it naturally.
When you question your worth, you leak energy through porous boundaries
and endless over-giving.

Embodying worthiness is a choice—and it's not always an easy one.
It takes commitment, practice, devotion.

But every time we choose our worthiness over our conditioning, we create deeper neural pathways that support this truth.

The world will do everything it can to convince us to return to the hamster wheel of proving ourselves.

That's why the practice of regularly getting clear on our desires and values—and making decisions unapologetically from this place, no matter how difficult—
is the real work.

IN REAL LIFE

What it actually looks like.

Embodied worthiness isn't a destination you arrive at.
It's a way of being you choose, moment by moment, decision by decision.
Day in and day out.

______________________

Start with sixty seconds of recognition.

Before you begin your day, place your hand on your heart and speak this truth:
"I am worthy of all goodness because I am." 

Not because of what you've accomplished or what you plan to do.
Because your worth is inherent, not earned.
Let your body feel the truth of this statement before you move into doing.

_____________________

Upgrade your internal language.

Notice when you catch yourself in "proving" mode and consciously shift to "choosing" mode:

• "I should take this on to show I'm valuable" / "I have to prove I belong here" becomes "I choose to contribute because I am valuable."

• "I've got to work harder so they see I'm capable" / "I need to show them what I can do" becomes "I choose to share my capabilities from confidence."

• "I want to help because then they'll appreciate me" / "I need to earn their respect" becomes "I choose to help from generosity, not need."

• "I have to be perfect or they'll see I'm a fraud" / "I should have all the answers" becomes "I choose to show up authentically as I am."

______________________

Practice desire without explanation.

Throughout your day, make choices based on what you actually want—
not what you think you should want or what you can justify.
Start small: the route you take home, the lunch you order, the way you spend your evening. Notice the urge to explain or defend your choices.

Practice letting your desires be reason enough.

_____________________

Create worthiness anchors.

Identify specific moments, spaces, or rituals that remind you of your inherent value. This might be wearing a particular piece of jewelry that represents your worth,
standing in a powerful posture that connects you to your strength, or touching a meaningful object that recalls a moment you felt deeply valued.

Plant these anchors throughout your physical environment—in your office, your car, your home—so you encounter reminders of your worthiness regularly.

I keep the photo at the top of today’s newsletter on my desk and in my journal—
it’s not of me, but it captures the spirit of what was inside me as a little girl,
and what is still there now.

That pure, uninhibited joy.
That absolute certainty of belonging.
When self-doubt creeps in, I look at her arms spread wide to the rain and remember: this is who I am underneath all the conditioning.

These become neural pathway reminders that call you back to the truth of who
you are when you feel yourself slipping into proving mode.

_____________________

Review your boundaries regularly.

Ask yourself:
Where am I over-giving?
Where am I saying yes when my body says no?
Where am I prioritizing others' comfort over my own needs?
Where are my boundaries leaky and with whom?
Do I have boundaries where I need them?

Your boundaries are a direct reflection of how worthy you believe you are of protection and care.

The goal isn't perfection. It's recognition.
Recognition that luxury isn't what you acquire—it's what you already are.

FROM THE WELL

What’s supporting the rhythm.

There's something ancient and deeply feminine about adorning yourself as an act of recognition rather than just decoration.

Throughout history, jewelry has been worn not just for beauty, but as talismans of identity, power, and sacred connection. When you choose pieces that speak to your soul rather than your status, you create daily reminders of your inherent worth.

This is jewelry as embodiment ritual—not about impressing others, but about remembering yourself.

THE LAST WORD

Worthiness isn't waiting for you to achieve it.

It's already here, woven into the fabric of who you are—
every strand of DNA, every cell, every breath, your very essence—
waiting for you to stop running past it toward some imaginary finish line
where you'll finally be enough.

The deepest luxury isn't what you can afford—it's what you no longer need to prove.
When you stop performing for others' approval and start living from your own worth, everything shifts.

Your decisions become clearer.
Your boundaries become natural.
Your presence becomes magnetic not because you're trying,
but because you're being.

When you're ready to practice that choice, I've created something for you:
The Desire Edit — a free 5-step guide to help you reconnect with what
you actually want now, clarify your values, and take one aligned action
that brings your life closer to your truth.

Because clarity isn't something you wait for.
It's something you create, and it starts with what you desire.

We choose what we choose because we choose it.

That’s the work.
That’s the medicine.

Until next week…

Be well. Be fierce. Be lavish.